


TMI dude, TMI

by HaleHole (SweetFanfics)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Crack, Gen, Penises, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-27
Updated: 2013-09-27
Packaged: 2017-12-27 19:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/982716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetFanfics/pseuds/HaleHole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Try Derek’s!” </p><p>"Full name or just Derek Hale?" </p><p>"Full name, duh!"</p><p> “Wait. Seriously? His middle name is Herbert?!”</p><p> “I know right? Can y-<i>whoa.</i>”</p><p> </p><p>“That can’t be real. Right?” </p><p>--<br/>Derek's almost at the McCall house when he overhears a very strange conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	TMI dude, TMI

**Author's Note:**

> if you've been on tumblr today, and or follow me, you know what's coming. Unbetaed. don't forget to click the link when you come to it ( **ITS NSFW** )~ and i have a headcanon that Derek has a really dorky middle name so there's that.

Derek’s within earshot of the McCall house when the ongoing conversation begins to trickle in. “That’s not even accurate.” Isaac scoffs.  
  


"You sure?" Stiles asks in a puzzled voice. "I tried mine and it was pretty close. You don’t have a middle name do you?"   
  


There’s a pause, followed by the soft click-clack of keys being pressed. “Okay. It’s kind of accurate.” Isaac admits in a tone heavy with confusion. “How’d it do that.”  
  


Scott’s answer is drowned under the sound of a passing car but the laughter that it causes is clear as a bell. Derek wonders what the trio is doing. Well, he’ll find out in a little bit.   
  


He doesn’t pay mind to the rest of their conversation until he hears his own name come up. “Try Derek’s!” Scott eagerly says.  
  


"Full name or just Derek Hale?" Stiles inquires, computer chair squeaking obnoxiously.  
  


"Full name, duh!"  
  


Scott’s words, coupled with the swiftness with which Stiles begins to type makes Derek stumble. How does the teenager know his full name? Oh God, he’s going to get so much grief for his middle name now. “Wait. Seriously?” Isaac asks in a gleeful voice, “His middle name is  _Herbert_?!”  
  


There’s a quick snort from Stiles, “I know right? Can y- _whoa_.”  
  


Derek hurries forward, coming to stand under Scott’s open window as Scott says, in a hushed voice, “That  _can’t_ be real. Right?”   
  


Worry and curiosity make Derek scramble up, hefting his body through the window as Stiles exclaims, far too loudly, “It’s been accurate for the rest of us!”  
  


"I think I just developed a complex." Scott whimpers. Derek manages to enter the room just in time to see the teenager duck his head and groan into his hand.  
  


The trio is standing around the desk, clearly around a laptop but Derek can’t make out the screen from where he’s standing. Isaac notices him first, jumping slightly as he yelps, “Derek!”  
  


Stiles and Scott both spazz, Stiles’ hands hurriedly smacking the laptop shut before he does a poor attempt at ‘casually’ leaning against the desk. “Derek. Sup.” Stiles says with a far too big grin.  
  


Confused and feeling like he’s walked into the middle of a joke where he’s the punch line, Derek growls, “What’s going on?”  
  


The trio turn red in different degrees and look away, lips pressing together in a way that makes Derek wonder if they’re biting down the urge to laugh or reply. So he stares at them one by home, hoping that his no nonsense glare will break one of them.  
  


Stiles’ ears go red but he doesn’t look away. In fact, he stubbornly holds Derek’s gaze and it winds up making the older man feels uncomfortable. Isaac looks away and keeps looking away, cheeks high with color. Scott however, just stares at his crotch with an utterly betrayed-bewildered look on his face and whispers, “I can’t be true.”  
  


"What can’t be true?" Derek asks exasperatedly.   
  


The trio exchange a furtive look that only frays on Derek’s dwindling patience. He’s ready to snap at them when Isaac sighs and pulls the laptop forward. “Are you  _crazy_?!” Stiles hisses, making a mad grab for the machine. His hands curl around the computer, managing to keep Isaac in place for a few seconds.  
  


"We might as well tell him!" Isaac argues back, "He’s not going to stop asking until we tell him so lets just get it over with." Scott pulls Stiles back, ignoring the human’s protests as Isaac flips the top open and waits for the machine to come out of hibernation mode.  
  


Derek stares at the screen and then at the curly haired boy as he comes to stand next to him, one hand holding the laptop up before him. “There’s this site and we were just goofing off, waiting for you.” Isaac explains quickly, nimble fingers tapping out a password on the login screen. “It gave us pretty accurate results for our names so we tried yours and just… tell us if it’s true or not?”  
  


With a heavy frown, Derek watches Isaac pull the browser window up.   
  


His eyebrows shoot up, eyes widening in surprise at [the graph](http://en.inkei.net/derek_herbert_hale!). They quickly dip back down at he goes over the numbers and just as quickly, they fly up in shock. How…  
  


"Is it true? Is it accurate?" Scott asks from where he’s standing next to his best friend.  
  


Derek feels heat crawl up his neck, mouth falling open as he tries to respond but no words come out. So instead he just raises one shoulder in a vague gesture that’s supposed to say ‘kind of yes’. Scott’s eyes shoot down to his crotch before he throws his hands up and declares, “Totally unfair!”  
  


Stiles looks torn between horror and amusement as he stares at Derek’s crotch as well before he chokes out, “Most powerful powerful phoenix oh my  _God!_ That is so wrong that it’s almost right!”   
  


The blush spreads higher as Isaac asks in a thready voice, “Isn’t that… 10  _inches_?”  
  


"Wait. How the hell do you manage to wear those jeans if you’re 10 inches?" Scott asks in confusion, staring at Derek’s legs. "Even soft that’s a lot of-"  
  


"Can we not talk about my dick?" Derek loudly declares, crossing his arms across his chest to appear more intimidating. But his red face spoils the glare he tosses at the others.  
  


Stiles suddenly covers his eyes and sighs, “I don’t know what to do with this information. When did this become my life.” ‘ _Tell me about it.’_ Derek thinks sourly as Isaac gives his crotch a keen look.

**Author's Note:**

> Now with [fanart by the lovely becc's art](http://beccs-art.tumblr.com/post/62443011176/so-i-read-this-fanfiction-drabble-from)!  
> you might find the follow graphs funny/amusing: [01](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62417466530/you-shouldnt-even-be-surprised-that-i-did-this), [02](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62417888956/the-cutie-sincere-small-devil-the-crisp-pathetic), [03](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62418678297/meeya-i-cnat-hel-p-the-lily-positive-chocolate), [04](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62419306297/a-thats-a-lil-too-accurate-for-isaac-aite-peen), [05](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62419328409/ldsjgldsgngad-type-in-gerard-argents-naeme-on-the-peen), [06](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62419558773/im-not-even-surprised),[07](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62444436473/do-ducalion), [08](http://chaoticwaltz.tumblr.com/post/62436209088/but-the-question-is-did-you-compare-the-actor-with-the)


End file.
